Mike Hale: Rock the Boat (Southern Hospitality S1E5)
When pontoon boats are involved there's no telling what the Republic DMG crew are up to! Will Grace Lilly apologize for her behavior? Are all instagram videos "Jerky Joe Approved"? Did Mike watch the correct piece of media? It's the episode that that chows down on bbq, while remembering Columbo.
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This transcript was made possible by an automated service. In some cases there may be errors.
Rob: Welcome to Vanderpump Robs, a podcast about Hollywood, Charleston, and everything in between. I'm Rob Schulte, and today I welcome back a very special guest. All guests are special, but some are, quite frankly, a little bit more special than others. Um, from the podcast, Your Kickstarter Sucks, Mike Hale is with us.
Hey, what up, buddy?
Mike: Hey, what's up, [00:01:00] man?
Rob: You know, I was, I was going back. I was listening to our classic episode. People continually email me about where we were going to talk about Vanderpump rules and ended up just talking about juiced in the pickup artists for pretty much the entire reps. Uh, and I had to ask you, have you discovered any, any new treasures since then?
Mike: Oh man. Um, to roommate is back. I've been watching that. Um, Yeah, so, uh, what else have I been watching, reality wise?
I've been catching some Love Island, but I can't really get into it.
Rob: I have trouble with Love Island. Yeah.
But I have been watching this one because, of course, it has the Vanderpump. Tie in with Ariana and it's so funny because I had never watched a whole season that show I didn't realize like the host is on like every 10 episodes Like she's like that must be such a cush gig to be like, yeah, Fiji. Yeah film for five minutes
Mike: like one of these Also, I also been watching [00:02:00] You bet.
Do you remember the show, Beyond Belief, After Fiction with, like, Jonathan Frakes? I've been watching that and his gig is so cool because he just shows up at the beginning and the end of the episode or whatever. You're in, you're in the studio for what, like 20 minutes or something? No way. Knocked it out.
Then caption that check. Dude. That's so much.
Rob: Frakes knows how to like make a mint and like I'll direct one episode of a new Star Wars or Star Trek season. And then I'll like go in and do talking heads on shows like Beyond Belief. So much. God, I love it. Um, another thing I watched that I thought was right up the Mike Hale alley is, uh, like big Hollywood sleaze movies. I've been covering them on my Patreon, but this week I watched Angel 4 colon undercover
Mike: and I've heard of this series. Yeah.
Rob: Yeah. It's wild. It's like, you know, uh, street worker by night, student by day, sort of Hollywood sleaze. And, uh, by the time we [00:03:00] got to Angel 4.
Like all the rules were out the window and let me tell you it was like quintessential like if I thought of the USA Network, this is the movie that would be showing. That's my shit. I gotta watch this dude Angel for I remind me once we're done. I'll give you a, I'll give you my Plex credentials and you can just dive in.
but yeah, so it sounds like you're sticking with TLC. You haven't become a Bravo bro.
Mike: Yeah, I was looking at the list of Bravo shows. They have so many shows. I'm like, I've never seen like any of these. This is like the, the Southern hospitality is an offshoot of. Southern charm, which was an offshoot of,
Rob: uh, summer house.
I think I
Mike: got to catch up. Well, and all this stuff,
Rob: you know, no, you don't. But the weird thing about me is like, I get pulled into. [00:04:00] It's not like it's against my will or anything, but I get pulled into these communities, like the fan communities. And so many people are just like, Gasping for breath to be like, I need to cover all the news, everything that's happening.
And I was like, no way, dude. I'm just going to like watch shows from two years ago and like when there's occasionally a new season of something, maybe I'll cover it, but I'm not, I can't, I can't do that. I can't, there's like three lawsuits going on right now that people are like trying to become.
Paralegals, I guess. And podcasters at the same time. It ain't, it ain't it. but maybe we should just dive into this Southern Hospitality episode. Season one, episode five. Came out January 2nd, 2023, the episode is called Rock the Boat and the description from Bravo TV.
com is the Republic crew parties on Lake Norman, but when Leva sees their inappropriate Instagram posts, she threatens to fire [00:05:00] people. After Grace Lilly learns that Mia's friend went on a date with her crush, her emotional outburst leaves her on the outs with the group. Mikkel takes a leap of faith and invites a romantic interest to their party.
But things take an awkward turn when the date is interrogated by Emmy. This fucking episode, man.
Mike: I will, you, I will clue you in on something. Yes, please. I watched the wrong episode.
Rob: I watched
Mike: season two, episode five.
Rob: Is that my fault? Is this my fault? I thought
Mike: it was, I thought it was like that in the document, but maybe I made a mistake.
Hey,
Rob: here's, what's going to happen. I'm going to go through it and you're going to react because I think the big thing here is that. When Mike Hale comes on the podcast, uh, get ready for some twists and turns. He won season
Mike: one, episode five of the doc. I just, I don't know what
Rob: happened. Well, you're going to need to tell me what's [00:06:00] up, but here's the thing.
We'll react. You can tell me the, uh, You can tell me your experience. How about that? And then, uh, don't, don't, here's the one thing. Do not let this keep you up at night, please. I'm like,
Mike: I was starting to watch, I started watching season one, episode one, two. I'm like, well, I'm going to go back and watch all of it or whatever.
So I would have gotten there.
Rob: You would have. It's that thing. Here's the thing. If you can pull out some like cool sex guy tweets in the middle of this, then everything will be redeemed. So here's the thing. They go to Charlotte. This is like, you know, they always do a cast trip and, uh, they see some NASCAR, but the next day they've all partied so hard that they're waking up hung over a ship, but they got to meet race car driver, Ross Chastain.
I know nothing about this man. And, uh, Grace Lilly. Was like handing her business card that essentially said, come to Republic and we can [00:07:00]have a good time. But, uh, he follows a different girl on Instagram the next day and this triggers grace. Yeah. apparently when guys approach her friends and not her, it's a, it's very triggering and we're told a tale of this happening in Tulum with a baseball player.
And uh, one of the cast members named Maddie and ain't that the way these southern girls just getting triggered man. That sucks, man What if I mean I would like a race car driver to follow me on instagram. Yeah, that would
Mike: be so nice A lot of the a lot of the stuff that these guys Now I'm not like a rich guy who really who works at like a high class restaurant,
Rob: but you could
Mike: you could I probably could do I'll get fired immediately But a lot of their problems are like oh you kissed her You helped her pick out an outfit.
What? And you're not even dating.
Rob: It [00:08:00] almost feels a bit manufactured.
Mike: Also. It's like, I mean, I'm just like an old man, you know, I'm like 40 40 and it's like, Oh, this shouldn't be a problem for more than like an hour or something. You know what I mean? Shouldn't be upset about this for more than like 30 minutes or so.
Rob: Or, or like maybe just like slightly peeved and then like go to the movies and not give a shit.
Mike: Like, Oh, that guy's an asshole. I'm not dealing with that guy. Yeah.
Rob: Oh, move on. It sucks. My, my, I don't care about my coworker. Here's the thing with me. I flew too close to the sun once. And when I moved to Los Angeles, I went and partied with someone from Vanderpump rules and, uh, uh, woke up on their couch, uh, Hours later with them being like, dude, are you okay?
And I was like, you know what? Maybe I'm not cut out for reality TV. Damn, was there like
Mike: a camera crew there or something?
Rob: No, there wasn't. Thank God. That's my big thing going through all this. Like I got into some. [00:09:00] heinous shit in my twenties. But luckily like we're still in digital camera age, nothing so the gang head to the lake and 10 minutes into this like ride in there, they're in an RV. Uh, someone captures cell phone video of Grace Lilly freaking out. And then we rewind to the previous Monday where Grace met a guy at a bar called Bourbon and Bubbles, which is also owned by Leva.
And uh, then I guess Mia's friend starts dating the same guy. What we're getting at here is Grace has some confidence issues and she's taking it out on the ladies when it's really the guys that are stringing her along.
Mike: These guys are jerks. They're
Rob: jerks. I think that's the best way to put it. Like, Oh man.
Um, but they. Ultimately, have a great time on a great Southern tradition. I'm from Missouri. know, I think that's technically the south. So I know all about this. They go on pontoon boats. [00:10:00] People love a fucking pontoon boat. Yeah, we do,
Mike: especially in the south. We love it.
Rob: Yeah, I, I always think about the whoever Created the pontoon boat was, I mean, they're popular in the South because it is a guy who's just like tied some barrels together.
Mike: Yeah. Yeah. Put a motor, just slap the fucking go kart motor on it or something. Yeah.
Rob: Um, but while they're, while they're on the pontoon boat. Their boss texts them. So they're all on vacation, but their boss texts them
Mike: because they, because they work, right? They work. They're, they're the VIPs, right? They're the, the, the, the, the servers and stuff at the VIP of the restaurant.
Rob: Okay. Yeah. But let's, let's actually, let's table the pontoon for a moment because their job is to sell bottle service tables. Now. I've never, uh, felt like spending money on bottle service. I also don't drink anymore, but like, even when I did drink, I was like, why would I [00:11:00] want to do that when I can like drink cheap beer for a lot longer?
Mike: I'll just drink a bottle of old crow before I go to the bar. Yeah.
Rob: And the, the, the, Like being in Kansas and Missouri and like thinking that I could like organize a group of my friends to throw down 200 for like a night at the club is insane. Like one
Mike: of the, one of the first times I went to a strip club was with this guy, uh, I went to high school with and we had no money because we were just out of high school.
And like, so, um, he had like just gotten a job or whatever at this. Honda plant or something like that. And he was like, let's go to the strip club in Toledo, which was like 30 minutes away or whatever the fuck. But where are we at? And like, uh, we go there and we, I have no money and like, he's like, I got you.
And he goes to the ATM and he pulls out 250. Oh
Rob: my God. Rich guy.
Mike: All right, man. But the drinks are like 9.
Rob: [00:12:00] And the ATM fee of like 50 bucks at the strip club.
Mike: And like, he goes and gets like a lap dancer or goes to the room or something like that for however much it is. And like, they're coming around asking me, they're like, you want a lap dance?
I'll be like, I'd love one.
Rob: However,
Mike: my dad took the money.
Rob: Do you take credit? Uh, yeah, I had a very similar experience. Broke as a joke. Like fresh out of school had gotten dumped. And the, you know, the boys at the bar are like, let's go to the strip club. You got dumped. And I was like, I, that doesn't put money in my pocket guys.
And they're like sitting there and they try and get me to get laughed against. And I'm like, you know, Emo boy, you know, probably just sitting there awkward, not really wanting to do that. Like they're like,
Mike: you, do you want to laugh dance? And they're like, do you want to do that? I don't know. I mean,
Rob: like, do you see, I'm not in the state right now.
And one of the guys that was with the party. Tried to pick a fight with me for not letting him [00:13:00] pay for it.
Oh God. Well, the pontoon boat, pontoon boat. I'm getting my accent back. Um, grace feels ganged up on. Everyone ends up apologizing. It's fine. It's fine. No one wants no one wants a part a Fight on a pontoon boat. They just want to like pop bottles and dance in their bikinis and take their shirts off Yeah, I had a I had Jordan Morris on a couple episodes ago, and we were surprised at how much the dudes like to take their shirts off and eat fruit salad at the same time.
Mike: He, uh, one of the, one of the guys from season two, now you'll get to this. Okay, please give me the heads up. Season two, episode five. Uh, what's, what was his name? Oh, Joe Bradley? No, no, no. It's, he's like a, uh, he's, uh, he was pouring milk on himself. [00:14:00] What is his name? Oh, oh, oh, I
Rob: don't know if he's
Mike: in it
Rob: yet.
Mike: Damn. Okay. Well, no,
Rob: you got quite a, I can't wait for them. Oh, getting, getting a little Homelander on us. Yeah. Uh, well, anyway, so at lava, she has a, a condo on King street so that if she needs to go to one of her bars. She can just leave her condo immediately. Um, she's with her director of sales and branding, uh, named Leah.
Don't know what the fuck that means, but
Mike: it sounds like a job I want to have.
Rob: But they're about to get down to some real work. It really looks like they're about to do some restaurant work right before it happens, levels like, sorry, I Instagram during our meetings while that are being filmed for this TV show. I am shocked. I, [00:15:00] I'm looking at this and, and I feel like I'm at these girls gynecology appointments.
Legitimately says this.
Mike: Yeah.
Rob: She's very frustrated because a lot of people are getting horny on main and posting all about the stuff that's going on on the pontoon boat. But you know, what happens on the pontoon boat used to stay on the pontoon.
Mike: Now you ever go to
Rob: the media.
Mike: Ruined everything.
Rob: Yeah, did you ever, uh, did you ever go to Lake of the Ozarks? Okay. Well, that was like Southern Missouri and there's just, I mean, this is that in every like Southern town that has a collection of boats partying has their, you know, beer bongs and topless parties and such. That looks nice.
You know what? Looks like a pretty good time. Uh, the gang then sober up a little bit and head to a farmer's market, because apparently that's the next step. And uh, Mikkel, who is also a VIP concierge, decides [00:16:00] he's gonna call a guy he met on the lake named Dominic. Now, um, Mikel's going on a, on a, on a limb here because Mikel's recently like all of his Republic friends know that he's gay, but his church family doesn't know that he's gay and, and he's come out to a couple of them, but he's worried because he's not sure if Dominic, uh, is the same sexual orientation as him.
And apparently that's going to be a big deal later in this episode, but. Uh, everyone thinks Dominic might be gay because, um, when he calls and invites him to the space cowboy themed party they're having at their Airbnb, uh, Dominic says, yeah, let me make sure I get the right jean shorts.
Mike: He already had an outfit for it.
Rob: And it's really, really. Troublesome because as people are starting to grill back at the house, yeah. Emmy is [00:17:00] decided she, well, Emmy's not stopped drinking and she is incredibly wasted and essentially starting to play Columbo with this dominant guy once he comes over. Uh, but I'm going to throw it to a quick break and we'll be right back.
Rob: Mike, do you watch a lot of Columbo? I do, I
Mike: love, I love Columbo so much.
Rob: Me too. I think it's the second episode of Columbo. Like there was that TV. Movie that's like episode one or whatever But I always remember the second episode where the the dude's got those big aviators like 70s aviators that like flash and like show the murder happening Now sometimes just go back and watch that
Mike: so fucking sick.
Like it looks so good Yes, just the it the way it's shot and stuff and like all the cool guest stars and stuff from the 70s I mean johnny cash is in one episode. He's like a [00:18:00] profile, but
Rob: Yeah,
Mike: but
Rob: did you ever watch poker face?
Mike: yeah, I did. Yeah. The,
Rob: I, I enjoyed poker face, but the only thing I didn't like, you know, that they celebrated as this homage to Columbo, but I didn't like that.
She's like, I got this thing. I just know when people are lying. It's like, nah, Columbo didn't have a thing. He just didn't
Mike: have a supernatural power.
Rob: Yeah. He just fucking knew. I always think back to that Poker Face episode where the, the barbecue grill master watched Okja and was like, I'm done.
Mike: I'm gonna send you my, uh, Plex thing. I'm gonna, I guess I could have done it afterwards.
Rob: No, this is, this is real life. This is what people need to know. it's because we're now becoming podcast homies. People need to know that that's why we can handle a conversation. Even only one of us has watched the episode.
Uh, so the gang decided to chow down on their corn and Brussels sprouts and all [00:19:00] that fun stuff. And Emmy continues to be a drunken mess. because apparently in the order of operations, it's her turn to be the drunken fool on this show. She does pull that Dom guy and he's like, so if you were an arrow, would you be an arrow that goes straight?
We're an arrow that's a little curved and he's like, Oh, I'm, I'm straight. And Oh God, it's so awkward. You would think, but then you remember it's January 2nd, 2023 in Charleston. Yeah. When this episode came out. So maybe there's some learning to be done in this group of folks.
Luckily, Mikkel pulls Dominic aside later after everyone's been gossiping about it, and he's like, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to. He's like, I'm just here to party. Essentially saying like, I'm just glad I got invited to be on a TV show. Like, thanks, you know? Grace has this weird production, projection technique that can only be found on an Instagram [00:20:00] influencer where she definitely has like called all these girls like names, but there's in his like But you're making fun of me and somehow like no one can wrap their head around it.
I think, I think alcohol might be a culprit here. Um, and then she says, everyone's been bullying her. And the Mia girl was like, you literally called my friend like the S word and you're saying you're being bullied. I don't get it. Um, but I keep like the thing I wish you saw. And of course you'll watch it soon enough.
They keep calling this an atomic or space cowboy party. And I don't know why they have to have a theme because like, it quickly cuts to like the basement of this Airbnb and they've just got like The party city, like rotating lights, you can buy for 12 bucks off Amazon. And then like Maddie has like a professional DJ set up in this basement.
And it's like, well, you're not playing music because [00:21:00] it's TV and everyone's still like dancing and drinking.
Mike: It was a great scene of her. Um, second season where she's DJing she goes, she opens for, uh, I can't remember. Oh, James Kennedy. DJ,
Rob: James
Mike: Kennedy, she opens for him or whatever, but, uh, James
Rob: Kennedy, uh, who has for a long time referred to himself as the white Kanye, I think he, retired that one.
Mike: I will no longer be going as the white Kanye.
Rob: Uh, but now he just opens for cascade and Maddie opens for him. So yeah, my, uh,
Mike: this whole ecosystem, it's, it's, it's crazy.
Rob: And I can't wait to be a part of it. I will, uh, I have to give you the specific details of this after the recording. But, you're familiar with Jack Allison.
Um, he wrote a book with my friend Kate Shapiro and Kate had to go see James DJ, and Maddie was opening for it, [00:22:00]
Mike: in
Rob: fucking Miami, and she was, and her story. About getting press passes to go to this thing and watch these two reality stars DJ for people that really just wanted to get fucked up at a Miami event and not care who's DJing might be one of the funniest things I've ever heard in my life.
Mike: That's the thing, they show like the DJ parties and stuff like that. I'm interested in the people who are going to these and what their story is about, you know.
Rob: Real hard hitting. Maybe we can make a, like a gimlet level podcast about that. anyway, outside the party, Joe Bradley and Mia. They discussed Trevor's IG post, which was, uh, the, coincidentally, the one Leva had seen earlier.
Now, Trevor is Maddie's ex boyfriend who cheated on her, but recently they're back together this season. And apparently on all of the posts he was doing of girls like twerking on the pontoon boat and stuff, he put the quote, [00:23:00]Jerky Joe approved. And I don't know what that means, but I have to think that in your spreadsheet that I've heard all about, there has to be a guy who would post something like jerky Joe
Mike: approved.
Yeah, we don't, we don't need to see what he's, uh, no jerky Joe's posting.
Rob: Not at all, but I'm sure he's got a great big Tik TOK following. Um, the next morning. Before everyone hits the road, we find out that, uh, Joe Bradley and Mia had made out, not jerky Joe, just the other Joe they had made out while in bed.
That's what happens when you party on vacation. Uh, once they get into the RV, grace, Lily makes her way back to the, like the tour bus room and just passes out and no one else gets to sleep in that back room, uh, confident, a confident fool. And I love it. the gang find out that Leva had texted. [00:24:00] A few of the people saying, uh, we need to have a work meeting and, uh, everyone gets really nervous because apparently even on vacation, you have to work with lava.
It is, it sounds like she sucks as a boss quite. Yeah, she's,
Mike: uh, they're on vacation and she's monitoring their, uh, Instagram.
Rob: And I have to wonder, like, is this the sort of job, like, like I get it, reality TV, all of these things. But like, if, if the TV wasn't associated with it, are they hired because they have like social media followings and like, that's part of the gig?
Because the Mikkel guy, like the first episode is on suspension because he promoted another club on his Instagram for like a sponsored post or something.
Mike: Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
Rob: And I, I don't think I could live that way. I have a hard enough time. Like
Mike: a fucking do not compete or something like
Rob: that. I guess, but I also wonder if like, she's just getting like stupid 20 year olds.
Yeah.
Mike: Yeah.
Rob: Oh, my boss says I can't [00:25:00] do that. Yeah. I think back to the days of like working at the bottleneck in Kansas and. being like told, like, make sure you, you post a better dollar 50 PBR draft sales to Facebook and be like, what the fuck am I getting out of this? It
Mike: must be so cool to be like a business owner and be able to like manipulate, manipulate 20 year olds to do whatever you want because they're so scared.
You know, you can just rip off there. Like, uh, you can just be like, don't clock out, but still work or whatever. And they're like, Oh shit. I guess I have to don't clock out and still work because I'm just fucking 20 years old and I don't know shit.
Rob: And if I don't get to pay my 200 rent, what will I do in my shitty college town apartment?
Oh, man. Well, Mike, you're not going to be able to do this to the full extent, but at, you know, towards the end of the recap. And maybe you can just come up with something from the episodes you've have watched, but uh, I do a segment called bourbon and bubbles, which is like rose and thorn, you know, [00:26:00]bourbon's the thing that skews more bad and bubbles, the thing that skews more good.
And I'll tell you what mine are. Um, my bourbon is, Just essentially what we just said, Leva having her service workers, uh, represent her brand and control them on a very short leash. And I think that's a little ridiculous, but also hilarious because these people want to continue to lick the boot at the King street boot and, uh, my bubble would be Grace Lilly standing up for herself, even when she's wrong.
I just love these people on TV. It's great. I love
Mike: their little problems. Yes. Um,
Rob: maybe in the grand scheme of things, what would you say is your bourbon and your bubble?
Mike: I guess my bourbon would be, you know, I lived in Charleston for a while. Yeah. I lived in Charleston for a time. Um, I lived in West Ashley.
Oh shit. And I worked at Papa John's. Oh, hell yeah. I rode a bike to work. So it was not, it was not on the same level, but it was kind of, because I was taking care of customers needs. [00:27:00]
Rob: And they made you clock out and still work.
Mike: Well, I would say it wasn't, you know, exactly like this. So it didn't really hit for me, um, from a Charleston standpoint.
But, uh, my bubbles was, uh, and you'll see it, uh, the milk guy.
Rob: I can't wait, I'm actually going to have you come back on the podcast when I do that episode. I'm going
Mike: to watch, I'm going to watch the first season and the second season, and then what should I dip my toe into after this? Because,
Rob: oh man, I've
Mike: never seen, you know, honestly, seen a little bit of Vanderpump, but not
Rob: You should watch, you should watch the first two seasons of Vanderpump.
And if you're not like hooked, first season is only like eight episodes and then it's like 14 in the second, but the second season might be some of the best reality television I've ever seen. But I will tell you in the first season, uh, they all go to Vegas for a birthday party and get really Xanaxed out and drunk and start a [00:28:00] fight in a strip mall parking lot.
And it's wonderful. Uh, I think it's one of the best things that's ever happened. And, um, and you will be very pleased with it. Mike, we've reached the end of this episode. I guess I got to ask you. What then do I need to catch up on if I've, I've never watched like a love after lockup or, or anything like that.
Is there anything you'd suggest to me?
Mike: There's so many shows of, um, the, uh, uh, 90 day fiance stuff trying to keep on top of that. But it's like, they keep coming out with them every day. It seems like, but I've been watching that, um, what is it? Inmate to roommate. Oh, yeah. Good one. Um, yeah, those are good.
Rob: I'll check it out on the Plex. Check
Mike: it out. Yeah. I just sent you the invite there.
Rob: Appreciate it. Uh, I'll send you mine as well. And you know, Mike, if, if people are new to, to this episode, do you want to let them know about your podcast as well?
Mike: [00:29:00] Yeah. The podcast is called, uh, your Kickstarter sucks. It's a, it's about, it's about Kickstarter and a bunch of other stuff.
Um, perfect. It's a great, it's a great podcast. Yeah.
Rob: It did make the list. I had to, for my day job, create a list of, uh, 10 of my favorite podcasts and give a reason why. And I put YKS as number one, and it went out in our work newsletter.
It went through, so Anyway. Well, everyone, thanks for listening. If you want to get that bonus and add free episodes, go to patreon. com slash Vanderpump Rob's Mike. Appreciate it.
I'm going to put a timer on September when we get that next one. Let's do that. Yeah. All right. See you later. See you. [00:30:00]